


My Youth is Yours

by Justagaybean



Series: Justagaybean’s TsukkiYama Week 2020 [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 5+1 Things, Awkward Tsukishima Kei, Basically you see Tsukishima grow up and fall in love with Yamaguchi, Childhood, Childhood Friends, Confessions, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Let me say that again, Love Confessions, M/M, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Tsukishima Kei-centric, Yamaguchi Tadashi is Better at Feelings than Tsukishima Kei, let’s make that a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:33:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26102731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justagaybean/pseuds/Justagaybean
Summary: Day 3 - ChildhoodTsukishima Kei doesn’t like change. He doesn’t like messes or when people lie to him. He does, however, like routine, simplicity, and ease. And he likes Yamaguchi Tadashi, who somehow wormed his way into Tsukishima’s life, who is not part of his routine, who is not simple, and certainly isn’t easy. But Tsukishima isn’t sure if he minds.Or, 5 times Tsukishima isn’t so sure about his life changing, and 1 time he definitely doesn’t mind.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio & Tsukishima Kei & Yachi Hitoka & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: Justagaybean’s TsukkiYama Week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1889785
Comments: 8
Kudos: 148
Collections: TsukkiYama Week 2020





	My Youth is Yours

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for clicking on this, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> (Title take from YOUTH by Troye Sivan.)

1

Routine is something that’s been a part of Tsukishima’s life since the beginning.

When he was younger, his routine had been simple. Wake up. Eat breakfast. Go to school. Homework. Eat dinner. Practice volleyball with Akiteru. Go to bed. He never strayed from the simplicity of it for years. He liked it. The repetition of it was comforting.

Routine made life easy. 

He had separate, well-defined dislikes and likes. He liked music, volleyball, strawberry shortcake, dinosaurs, his parents, and Akiteru. He disliked change, crowds, loud noises, loud people, spicy food.

As time went on, the first change in his simple life happened.

His list of dislikes grew.

He disliked change, crowds, loud noises, loud people, spicy food, the smell of beer, beeping machines, and the smell of hospitals.

He had grown to believe that any sort of change was bad. Any difference from the pattern that he had adopted was difficult and scary and he would stick to it as much as possible.

* * *

2

One day while walking home from elementary school, like he always did, he passed by four boys, which was not a part of his routine.

Tsukishima’s routine has stayed the same for the past few years. Sleep, school, food, and volleyball. It was simple. Easy.

He almost made up his mind to pass by the group, until he noticed something odd. One of the boys sat on the ground, his eyes teary, his faces. The other three surrounded him, speaking in high, taunting tones.

He almost turned a blind eye.

Almost.

“Wait, who’s that guy?”

“Isn’t he in year 6?”

“No, he’s in class 3.”

Tsukishima tilted his head slightly to look past at the tinier boy, huddled pathetically on the ground. His eyes were teary, his face streaked with dirt. A smattering of freckles decorated his face. The three boys surrounding the other were watching Tsukishima with a wary eye.

“Lame,” he muttered. Picking on someone just because they were smaller or uglier than you. He adjusted the strap of his backpack, about to turn away.

“What did you say?” All of a sudden, one of the boys was behind him, tugging at his side. Tsukishima gritted his teeth, then turned back around.

“What was that?” He asked coolly, towering over the boy. He was almost two heads taller than him.

The boy reeled back. He glared. Tsukishima glared back. The boy tore his gaze away.

“C’mon. Let’s go,” he muttered to the other boys. They dutifully followed, casting Tsukishima a couple more glares before heading the other way.

Tsukishima turned his attention back to Yamaguchi, who was staring at him, almost awestruck. Tears traced tracks through the dirt on his face. 

_ His freckles look like stars, _ Tsukishima thought suddenly.  _ Constellations on cheeks. _

He had already strayed too far away from his routine though, so he turned and walked away.

  
  


A week later, Tsukishima was heading to volleyball practice, fiddling with his fingers.  _ My brother used to play here, _ he thought to himself, and the slightest trace of a grin grew on his face.

“Ah!” Someone behind him yelped. He turned. A tiny boy was there, ducking his head into a bow. “Thank you for the other day!”

He tilted his head at the boy. “Do I know you?”

A look of pained shock shot up on the boy’s face and he stood up straighter, his arms fumbling. “The other day? At the park?”

Tsukishima catches a glance at his face.  _ Freckles. Stars. _

“Oh. Right.” Tsukishima watched as the boy’s face relaxed slightly. “What are you doing here?”

Nervousness sprouted in the boy’s eyes. “Oh...uh, I wanted to play some sort of sport…” he mumbled. “...but there are a lot of big, scary guys in baseball and soccer.” His voice grew softer with each word he spoke. “But this seemed safe.”

Tsukishima watched him for a moment as the boy fiddled with his fingers, his eyes cast downwards. It reminded him of Akiteru. He fiddled with his fingers before a match.

“Ah!” He shouted suddenly. “Your shoes are really cool!”

Tsukishima jumped at the noise, then glanced at his sneakers. “They’re my brothers' old ones.”

“Your brother plays volleyball, too?”

Tsukishima felt a growing sensation of pride at the boy’s excitement. “He plays at a really strong high school called Karasuno. He’s the ace.”

“He’s the ace of a powerhouse school? That’s awesome!”

Tsukishima flushed. He loved to brag about his brother, especially to someone who showed such enthusiasm. And so, this tiny boy, whose name was Yamaguchi Tadashi, made his way into Tsukishima’s careful routine. Tsukishima had no idea how he slipped through the cracks, and Yamaguchi had no idea what a big deal it was, but he did. And as soon as he did, he settled down perfectly, as if he was supposed to be there the entire time. And Tsukishima liked it.

They talked about Akiteru a lot at first, but soon moved onto other things. Yamaguchi seemed to like to talk about everything. Volleyball, yes, but also other things. Music, books, movies, dinosaurs, shows, school, everything that Tsukishima liked. Sometimes it was just mindless chatter, something that Tsukishima didn’t know he liked until now. Yamaguchi didn’t need a response, just someone to listen, which was nice. Tsukishima liked it. They had the occasional spat, but it wasn’t ever bad, and it was always over quickly.

Tsukishima’s mother and Akiteru were pleasantly surprised when Tsukishima first brought Yamaguchi home. They liked his chatter and his bubbly attitude. Akiteru would play volleyball with them, which Tsukishima always treasured. Akiteru, volleyball, and Yamaguchi. Three of his favorite things in one.

Was Yamaguchi easy? Simple? Repetitive? Not really. There were times when Yamaguchi was difficult and different and irregular. The time they argued about the best Harry Potter book ( _ Goblet of Fire, _ for sure, but Yamaguchi insisted that  _ Prisoner of Azkaban _ was superior). When Yamaguchi would cry and Tsukishima didn’t know why. When Yamaguchi got crushes and Tsukishima didn’t. When a scrape on the knee would make Yamaguchi burst into tears but five-inch gashes made from broken beer bottles would just make him whimper.

But Tsukishima didn’t mind. Yamaguchi wasn’t easy, or simple, or repetitive, but Tsukishima never minded. He didn’t confine to a pattern, but that was Yamaguchi. 

Yamaguchi had slipped through the cracks. Eventually, he became a part of every aspect of Tsukishima’s life. School. Volleyball. Even at home.

Maybe change wasn’t so bad.

* * *

3

Leaning over the bar of the stands at the high school’s volleyball tournament, Tsukishima made a firm decision.

Akiteru stood across the large court, staring back at him with wide eyes.

_ He was lying. He was lying this entire time. _

_ He was lying to me. _

Change was difficult. Change was scary.

Change was awful.

  
  


Tsukishima stayed over at Yamaguchi’s house that night.

Akiteru had lied to him.

_ So you’re the ace! Yup. _

  
  


Trying to pretend everything was okay was difficult.

He couldn’t look into his eyes and pretend everything was okay.

Everything he loved was connected to Akiteru. His love for history and paleontology and sweet things and volleyball and  _ everything. _

Pretending everything was okay was difficult.

But confronting Akiteru? That was scary. Talking about his feelings was terrifying. Forcing himself to have to listen to Akiteru apologize and try to repair their relationship was even more terrifying.

Every aspect of their relationship had been broken. The trust that had been built up for so many years had toppled. And Tsukishima had no heart to build it back up again.

For the third time in his life, Tsukishima changed his careful routine. He didn’t talk to Akiteru. He didn’t interact with him. He avoided him whenever he got the chance. No more volleyball practices. No more late-night movies with chips. No more trips to the museum or sneaking out onto the roof to watch the stars.

He wished he had never gone to that damn volleyball game.

* * *

4

A year later, Tsukishima was sitting in his backyard, picking at the grass. It was dark out, but he had enough light to see. He tied two bits of grass together, thinking.

“Tsukki!”

He looked up.

Yamaguchi stood in front of him, beaming. His mother had recently cut his hair, which Tsukishima wasn’t quite used to yet. It was short enough that the back felt like fuzzy velvet, and Tsukishima didn’t know if he liked it or not. He liked Yamaguchi’s long hair. The hair wasn’t the jarring thing, however, it was the blue, yellow, and white volleyball that Yamaguchi held in his hands.

Tsukishima hadn't played volleyball in a year.

“Yamaguchi,” he said suspiciously. “What’s that?”

Yamaguchi glanced down, looking almost guilty. “I found it in my closet,” he answered sheepishly. “I thought that maybe we could…”

He trailed off. “Never mind.” He sat down on the grass, letting the volleyball drop form his hands. “It was a stupid idea.” His voice grew quieter, and he stared at the ground.

Tsukishima watched the volleyball roll away, feeling a slight sense of déjà vu. The first day at volleyball practice, the second time he met Yamaguchi. How Yamaguchi’s voice started out confident but slowly faded as the sentence went by. 

He stood. “C’mon.”

Yamaguchi looked up, confused. “Tsukki?”

“That volleyball is going to be deflated after a year in your closet. I have a pump somewhere.”

Yamaguchi brightened visibly and he leapt to his feet. “Okay, Tsukki!”

And so, volleyball made his way back into his life. He wasn’t as enthusiastic about it as he had been a year ago, and he wondered if he’d ever be. But he started going back to practices. He and Yamaguchi practiced, like before. Just without Akiteru.

It seemed pointless to restart a stupid sport after such a long time. He wasn’t going to go pro. He wasn’t even sure if he’d continue playing in high school. 

He wasn’t sure if this change was for the better. But he continued playing.

The look on Yamaguchi’s face was worth it.

* * *

5

Tsukishima stared down at this bright orange  _ human _ in front of him with distaste. The orange thing glared back with a ferocity that seemed like a giant, loud sun shining in his face.

Right then and there, Tsukishima nearly decided to quit volleyball. If he had to deal with this loud child-size person and an egotistic idiotic king to join this stupid club, he wondered if it was worth it.

When he actually had to go to an actual club meeting, he realized that there were actually two more second-year idiots along with a captain and vice-captain that acted like a married couple as well as an ace with more anxiety that he could handle and three more second-years, one of which kept the two other idiots and check, and the other two who snuck out of practice to make out in the club room and  _ no one noticed. _

But Yamaguchi, instead of being jumpy and nervous like he usually acted around new people, quickly relaxed. He approached the other members by himself. He joked around with them. Tsukishima watched him as he became more relaxed with the team and more sure of himself.

And he liked it.

Until his team started noticing something.

For one thing, Yamaguchi would sometimes hold Tsukishima’s hand or his arm. Tsukishima knew why, because Yamaguchi liked having something to hold onto when he was nervous, or overthinking something, or simply he just wanted to hold hands. Tsukishima didn’t mind - not at all, in fact, he liked it - but Hinata would always look at them when he saw them doing it.

For another, the two would always finish each other's sentences. Yamaguchi would start off a conversation and Tsukishima would fill in. Tsukishima would mention something and Yamaguchi would chime in as if he were the one saying it.

And another, was the ever-increasing frequency of “Tsukki!” throughout the day. And how once Tsukishima referred to Yamaguchi as “Dashi,” which made Suga laugh and Tanaka choke and Yachi to grin. 

“Wait, so the two of you aren’t dating?” Noya asked once, confusion written all over his face.

Yamaguchi had giggled nervously, bright red color flooding his face. Tsukishima had scoffed, made some jab at his intelligence, and the two had walked away, their pinkies interlocked. 

The next day, Yamaguchi showed up to school wearing Tsukishima’s headphones, cracked a joke about teapots and melted chocolate that made Tsukishima choke on his soda, and fed the taller boy strawberries without pausing in his conversation with Kageyama about the second years.

Kageyama, however, did pause the conversation to stare at Tsukishima. Hinata and Yachi were looking at them wide-eyed as well.

Tsukishima chewed and swallowed. “What?” he asked, glaring back.

“How are you guys  _ not _ dating?” Kageyama asked bluntly.

Hinata’s face contorted into one of confusion. “You guys aren’t dating?” He shouted, slamming his hands on the table. Was his only level of volume shouting?

Yamaguchi shook his head frantically as half the lunchroom turned to look at their table. “No, we’re not.”

Kageyama, Hinata, and Yachi turned their attention to Tsukishima. He scowled. “Why do you need me to confirm? We’re not.”

Yachi looked down at her bento. “Tanaka owes Ennoshita a meat bun,” she murmured quietly to herself.

“They placed  _ bets? _ ” Yamaguchi asked, incredulous.

Tsukishima turned away, shaking his head.

  
  


Several long hours later, Tsukishima was lying on his bed, turning Kageyama’s words in his head. He had been doing so ever since he got home, ignoring the homework that was sitting in his bag. Why does everyone think that he and Yamaguchi are dating? Sure, they were close, but the things that the rest of the team labeled as ‘intimate’ were just ‘normal’ to the two of them.

_ Fucking Kageyama. _ Tsukishima glared at the ceiling of his bedroom.

_ “How are you guys  _ not  _ dating?”  _ The words echoed around his brain. Why did it bother him so much?

Did he  _ want _ to date Yamaguchi?

It wasn’t like he had feelings for him. 

They’d been friends forever. 

They did everything together, ever since they talked, that first day before volleyball practice in primary school. 

Yamaguchi was by his side, always, since then. Yamaguchi was there for him when Akiteru wasn’t. Yamaguchi was the one who got him to play volleyball. Yamaguchi encouraged him and supported him.

But it wasn’t like he  _ liked  _ Yamaguchi, was it?

They spent a lot of time together. They talked with each other about everything. Yamaguchi was the only one he really liked being around. And his soft, bubbly chatter when he talked about something was always sweet. And his freckles were nice. And the face he made when he was concentrating was pretty cute, and his smile was  _ adorable _ whenever he did a pinch serve—

“Fuck,” he said aloud.

  
  


The morning after realizing he probably had feelings for his best friends was one of pure torture.

All of a sudden, he  _ noticed _ everything about Yamaguchi. How the corners of his eyes crinkled up when he laughed. How his face would flush a bright red when he smiled. How he walked with a little bounce in his step when he was happy. How he giggled at Tsukishima’s jokes and how he would always forget to tie his shoes and how he would touch his fingertips together one by one when he was nervous and—

“Tsukki? Are you alright?”

Tsukishima shook his head, clearing his head of thoughts of  _ Tadashi Tadashi Tadashi _ and looked up. Yamaguchi was sitting across from him as usual. He tilted his head to the side, looking concerned.

_ Fuck, _ he thought. He felt his face burn.

“I’m fine, thanks,” he mumbled.

“Your ears are  _ really _ red,” Hinata piped up from beside him.

He scowled and glared at the orange-haired boy. “What an astute observation,” he commented dryly. Yamaguchi giggled.  _ Shit. _

“But your ears  _ are  _ really red!” Yachi leaned forward slightly.

“I’m fine, I’m fine!” He protested.

“Like, really really red,” Kageyama interjected.

Tsukishima turned to glare at him. “We’ve established that,  _ your Majesty, _ ” he sneered.

Kageyama’s face grew red with irritation. Hinata snorted. Kageyama switched his anger to the shorter boy, and the two began a shouting match. For the first time since never, Tsukishima was glad for the distraction.

It didn’t last long, however, for soon lunch ended, and after school finished, it was practice, which meant seeing Yamaguchi play volleyball for the next two hours in shorts. Daichi quickly grew concerned at the look on Tsukishima’s face and asked if he needed to go to the nurse. Tsukishima declined.

“Tsukki! Are we walking home together?” Yamaguchi bounced up to him with a big smile on his face after practice had ended.

For a split second, Tsukishima considered giving an excuse - he had to talk to a teacher, he needed to ask Coach something, but pushed it out of his mind at the look on Yamaguchi’s face.

“Of course,” he replied. “We always do.”

And Yamaguchi had giggled and walked off to help clean up.

An hour later, Tsukishima crashed into bed, feeling more exhausted than he had ever felt before.

How much more of this could he take? How much longer would he be unable to look at Yamaguchi’s face without turning red? 

_ You could confess, _ a voice whispered in the back of his head, which sounded suspiciously like Akiteru.

He made a face, but considered it for a moment. Confessing meant telling Yamaguchi about his feelings, yes, but then what? Would he get over them after that, or live with them until who knows when? What would Yamaguchi say? Yamaguchi would most likely reject him. Who would like an asshole like himself? Would they stay friends? Wouldn’t it be awkward? If they stopped being friends, school and volleyball would be a living hell. Not to mention the summers usually spent at each other’s houses, the weekends no longer filled with sleepovers together, or the long hours normally used to study together. And on the off chance that he wasn’t rejected, what would happen then?

_ No, _ he decided. It was too much of a risk to confess.

He’d just have to live like this until he got over it all.

The thoughts bouncing around his head of  _ Tadashi, Tadashi, Tadashi _ were enough to make him insane, but it was a choice he’d have to make.

This change was flipping his life on its head.

* * *

+1

A month later, life had pretty much stayed the same.

Yamaguchi was still plaguing his thoughts. Hinata and Kageyama were still sharing a single brain cell. Yachi was an angel as always.

He was walking home with Yamaguchi as always, his headphones around his neck, his pace slowed so Yamaguchi wouldn’t have to half-jog to keep up with him. It was dark out, as it usually was when practice ended.

“Tsukki.”

He stopped and turned to look at Yamaguchi, who was no longer standing next to him. He swiveled around

Yamaguchi was a few paces behind him.

He frowned and walked back toward him. “Tadashi?” He asked.

“I need to tell you something,” Yamaguchi said shortly. “Close your eyes.”

Tsukishima tilted his head. “Why?”

“Just do it, please,” Yamaguchi glanced up at him. Tsukishima cursed inwardly. He couldn’t say no to that look. He closed his eyes.

“Thank you.” Yamaguchi cleared his throat. “Please don’t think of me any less after I tell you. I hope this doesn’t change your opinion of me and I hope we can continue on as friends.”

_ What happened? Did he do something? _

“I like you.”

Tsukishima’s heart stopped.  _ What? _

“Like, I  _ like like _ you.”

_ Holy shit. _

”And I know you don’t like me back. So I hope we can put this past us. I only told you so I could get over you—”

Tsukishima tore his eyes open.

“What makes you think I don’t like you back?” He asked.

“I told you to close your eyes!” Yamaguchi scolded.

“Tadashi. I like you.”

“As I was saying - wait, what?”

“I like you,” Tsukishima repeated.

Yamaguchi paused for a moment, then shook his head. “You’re messing with me. Or pitying me. Maybe both.”

“I’m not.”

“This is a dream.” Yamaguchi shook his head again, as if ridding his ears of water.

“I don’t believe so,” Tsukishima joked.

“You’re not real. I’ve been hallucinating you.”

Tsukishima leaned forward and kissed him.

It was short. And a little sloppy. But Yamaguchi tasted of honey and strawberry chapstick. His lips were slightly rough. Tsukishima’s fingers wove through soft hair.

He pulled away.

“Was that a hallucination?” Tsukishima asked.

Yamaguchi looked up at him, his eyes wide. “Kissing Tsukishima Kei is too good to be true,” he replied.

Tsukishima chuckled, then ducked down to press his lips to his once more.

“You are too good to be true,” he whispered into Yamaguchi’s ear.

He’s not usually so forward.

But seeing Yamaguchi’s face turn that precise shade of strawberry red is worth it.

Maybe change isn’t so bad after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Day three is done!
> 
> I absolutely hated this one. 3400+ words of pure stupidity and idiocracy on Tsukishima’s behalf and the entire time I just wanted to scream.
> 
> Change is scary sometimes! But you’ll fight through this and come out the other end!
> 
> If you liked, please kudo and comment! And as always, thank you for reading! Have a great day and stay safe out there!


End file.
